Thursday, June 21, 2007

Gnats buzzing in my year

Wallowing in self pity and self doubt.

How can you really expect anyone else to look at you as a sensual, sexually enticing woman when the one who spent so long telling you how beautiful you are tells you “I just don’t find you sexual anymore?” How do you get over the insecurity, the unease of putting yourself out there back on the market? For so long you’ve been told almost every day how beautiful you are. How cute and adorable you are. Then one day it stops and you find out your love no longer looks at you that way and you’re left wondering why? What happened?

On a scale of 1-10, it’s been a -1 on the self esteem meter. I want to meet new people, but that damn gnat buzzing around my ear keeps saying “You’re not good enough. You’re never gonna be good enough for anyone...not anyone you really want.” That gnat has been in my ear for years and I’ve got the trail of bodies behind me to prove it. A trail that consists of so many women I settled for because that’s all I thought I deserved and could never achieve better.

- Strange