WTF!!!!

I just took my first biology test in damn near 14 years. WHAT THE F*CK!!!!!!!

The instructor might as well gave the test in Mandarin for all the good it would have done me. I didn't understand a damn thing and guessed on most of the answers.

I don't understand the point of useless classes required in school. When will I ever be asked to explain mitochondria to anyone? When?

And yes...I did study. Thank you very much!!!!

- Strange ((^_~))

Gnats buzzing in my year

Wallowing in self pity and self doubt.

How can you really expect anyone else to look at you as a sensual, sexually enticing woman when the one who spent so long telling you how beautiful you are tells you “I just don’t find you sexual anymore?” How do you get over the insecurity, the unease of putting yourself out there back on the market? For so long you’ve been told almost every day how beautiful you are. How cute and adorable you are. Then one day it stops and you find out your love no longer looks at you that way and you’re left wondering why? What happened?

On a scale of 1-10, it’s been a -1 on the self esteem meter. I want to meet new people, but that damn gnat buzzing around my ear keeps saying “You’re not good enough. You’re never gonna be good enough for anyone...not anyone you really want.” That gnat has been in my ear for years and I’ve got the trail of bodies behind me to prove it. A trail that consists of so many women I settled for because that’s all I thought I deserved and could never achieve better.

- Strange

I's smart bitches!!!

I checked my grades for the Spring 2007 semester. I got me an 'A' in my speech class!!!

Whoo hoo!!!

Imma git my edumacation!!!

-Strange ((^_~))

Transitioning

Do you ever get the feeling that everybody already knows everybody else and you are the constant new kid? It never seems to fail. Whenever I start a new class, it seems like by the end of the class everybody has paired off with their new BFF. I’ve always been amazed (maybe even a little envious) how even the nerdiest of the geeky nerds can immediately connect with another human being.

I’m sure part of it has to do with me and my own perceptions. I have a bad habit of immediately judging someone base on nothing more than a 5 second glance. In that 5 second window frame, I’ve summed up their politics, sexual orientation and social status. A gold tooth and a multi-colored weave can say a lot about a person. Most times my initial assessment turns out to be right, but I do wonder how many wonderful people I’ve never gotten the chance to know better.

I've always been awkward around new people and have never been known to have a gaggle of friends on speed dial. It would be nice to though to be able to connect with people more easily.

I think I'm having one of those insecured days. So much of my life has changed in the last three years. I've lost one job and now losing another at the end of July. I've fallen in love, gave up living rent free to buy a house with my love, gotten married and am now getting a divorce. I've lost 2 friendships. Thankfully, one of them has been resurrected and it's almost as if no time was lost. I'm still not sure what happened to the other or what makes a person just decide to not return your phone call or emails. I try not to be sad. If people want me they know how to get in contact with me.

I guess transition is just a part of life and sometimes you have to just let go and let it take you where you need to go.

-Strange ((^_~))

Death and Resurrection

Biology- the study of life.

So, today I was on lunch period during my biology class. I was sitting at a free desk surfing and chatting with my best friend and future spinster wife, the Cranky Librarian, when i noticed what looked like either a giant fly or a bee buzzing around the window. Normally, I would have just swatted it away, but then I noticed that this FlyBee thingie was on it's last breath. I watched for 2 minutes as it struggled to fly and then fall back down to the window sill. At point it even landed on it's back and I was sure it was dead, but somehow it managed to get up again. It flew up and hung out on the window for a bit, it wings just flapping and there was that sick buzzing sound.

Eventually, the FlyBee couldn't hang anymore and it fell to the window sill and was still. I don't know why I was so fascinated by this creature on its last leg of life. It was actually kind of sad. I can honestly say, I don't think I have ever seen anything or anyone die before. I continued to chat with Cranky, thoroughly disgusting her with my tales of witnessing death.

Just as I was finishing up my lunch, which was no less than 5 minutes later, the FlyBee got up and flew to the top of window. This thing was DEAD, 5 minutes before. Dead as a 100 year old corpse. Dead as my barely a year old marriage. It was dead

There's no real point to this story, just thought I'd share. I'm sure there is some kinda philosophical, overly intellectual meaning to this. I just don't know what it is.

-Strange ((^_~))

Should I or shouldn't I?

So, I'm taking the day off from work today...because I can. I've been really contemplating all week if I should post on Craigslist for some afternoon booty. I really want to because I'm horny as all hell. Ironically, today it has been 6 months today since I got any horizontal lovin'. But, even though my marriage is over and I have yet to be given termination papers, I am still married and don't know if that would be consider cheating.

I'm leaning towards just letting it go and spend my day masturbating and watching porn. Craigslist is looking real boring this past week. Not a sexy broad amongst them.

Who knows? I might end up just going back to sleep.

-Strange ((^_~))

Done!!!

I did it!!! I completed my speech class, all of it! I got an 'A' on my last speech. I think it's safe to say I got a 'B' in the class, which is better than what I was originally aiming for, a 'C.'

Whoo hoo, bitches!!! I'm done!!!

-Strange ((^_~))

Just Drive

One day, I'm just gonna get in my car and drive. I'm gonna drive until my tank runs dry. Where I stop is where I'll stay for a while.

- Strange ((^_~))

You know it's been a long time when...

not only do you not remember buying the sex toy, you don't even remember what kind of batteries it takes.

Off to the drugstore to buy some batteries!

-Strange ((^_~))

But at the same time (ponderings part deux)

There is a part of me that is...excited. I guess that would be the word. Not that I'm jumping for joy over the idea of throwing myself to the hyenas of the dating world, but just the idea that I can do whatever I want...or rather whoever I want from now...it's kind of exciting. Why do I feel like I'm about to regress back to the summer of my 26th year when I could sleep with you on Tuesday night and pretend not to know you come Wednesday night and boink a different person Thursday, Friday, Saturday night and not give a care in the world?

Sunday and Monday were for resting ((^_~))

Ponderings

Why don't people ever stay where they're supposed to? Is it really that much easier to walk away than stay and find a solution? Or maybe...I should have walked away a long time ago?