The Ex-wife, the Paramour, and me

Oh what a weekend I had. My new paramour (who shall from now on be known only as Lady D) finally met the ex-wife, Shawty Le Red. It went well. We, along with Cranky Librarian, all had brunch with a group of other queer people of color and then went to a museum. Good times were had by all, for the most part. There was one crunchy episode. More to possibly come if I feel like it.

I didn’t feel funny at all about being all kissy kissy and affectionate with Lady D around Shawty Le Red. I really can’t keep my hands off Lady D. She’s hot!!! What can I say.

-Strange ((^_~))

Ain’t nothing wrong with a lil bump and grind

Now that my unofficial celibacy has ended I realized something. While I’ve got a kinky side to me and like spanking and other forms of BDSM, a good old fashion bump and grind always bring to me the promise land.

Today’s word of the day girls and boys: tribadism.

- Strange ((^_~))

Back in the Game

So, it would appear that everyone’s favorite strangelilblackgrl is back in the sex having game. After 457 days of sex with my right hand and my dirty imagination, I have gotten laid.

::CROWD GOES WILD WITH CHEERS::

After so much time away from the game, I find that I really don’t know what I’m doing anymore. My new paramour is actually quite shy and very quiet. I’m finding that I’m having to be the aggressor...which I kinda like. ::insert silly giggle here:: If only I can find a way to make my move so that things get rolling before 10, 11 o’clock at night. I got to work in the morning and staying up until 2 f*cking on a weekday is not conducive to me getting out of bed on time.

Anyway, back to me having forgotting everything about pleasing a woman. After being rejected so many times by the ex-wife, my confidence has definitely taking a hit. Sex was the one thing I knew I was good at (ask all the other broads who aren’t ex-wives). Now I finding myself having conversations in my head while I’m in the middle of the act. It’s crazy.

- Strange ((^_~))

My Jesus Year

Today marks the anniversary of my 33rd year on this planet. They call your 33rd year your Jesus year. It's the year where you either get off your ass and do something with your life or just forget about it.

I started the morning with a headache, followed by damn near crying a good portion of the morning while sitting at my desk at work, to feeling so so for the rest of the day. By the time I left work, my allergies had started to act up, but I was feeling a bit better. I went out to dinner with my best friend, the Cranky Librarian, and my ex-wife, Shawty Le Red. Overall it today was a good day.

I think I was missing my mother today. Birthday’s have never really matter too much since she died almost 8 years ago. It’s hard to believe it’s been 8 years. I recognize how much I’ve changed, but how I’ve stayed stagnant at the same time. I’m now 33 and I’m nowhere where I thought I would be 8 years ago. I still have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. I’m just kind of existing, working at a job that I’m bored with and is giving me carpal tunnel (the excessive masturbation problem doesn’t help either), and just not really enjoying life.

So, here in my Jesus year (the year to do or die) these are my goals:

1. Find a job that I enjoy and that pays me an adult wage.
2. Get back into my writing. I have all these ideas, characters, and scenarios in my head.
3. Stop living in my head and daydreaming so much.
4. Finally start that T-shirt/bumpersticker business I’ve been wanting to do for years
5. Get laid…by someone other than myself.
6. Drop some of the pounds cause my stomach should not be bigger than my boobs... and I’ve got big boobs. The Cranky Librarian describes them as pendulous.

That’s a pretty good start.

-Strange ((^_~))

Recap

I’ve never been good at keeping a diary or a journal and it appears this whole blogging thing ain’t much different. So here’s what’s been going on since I last posted, October 2007

School
I carried a full load during the Fall semester of 2007, 5 classes, for a total of 15 units. I got 3 A’s and 2 B’s and continue to do the cabbage in celebration of my good grades. Did I mention I was also working fulltime while busting my non-existence ass for those grades?

Home
I found a new apartment, in the Lake Merritt area, near the end of December. I finally got fed up with my ghetto neighbors at my old apartment in the Fruitvale district. Apparently that chick, who was always yelling at her poor child, didn’t live in the apartment next to me. She lived in a downstairs apartment! For her to be yelling that loud to the point where I could make out every curse word, and not be living right next door, was sad and appalling.

I’m still trying to decide on my new Lake Merritt apartment. I love that I’m so close to the Lake and it’s going to be awesome once the weather warms up, but I’m not quite sure about the apartment itself. The property management company damn near asked for everything except my DNA when I submitted my application, but I quickly realized the apartment doesn’t quite live up to standards. For starters, there was the light issue in the bathroom on my very first night. I’m no rocket scientist but I’m pretty sure water in an electrical outlet is not a good idea. The light bulb blew out and when I went to change the light I discovered that the light fixture was full of water. It was coming from the dude upstairs (who I will discuss later). That was issue one.

Second issue happened just a few weeks ago. I left my apartment at 11am, I got back at 12:25pm. An hour and 25 minutes. The kitchen sink somehow mysteriously backed up and a good chunk of the carpet was soaked through. I still haven’t been able to figure that one out.

Third issue. My upstairs neighbor. I don’t know about you, but I usually tend to be asleep at 3 in the morning. Why is this old man making so much noise? Who the hell is hammering at 3 in the morning? And how thin do walls have to be to actually be able to hear old dude snoring. SNORING!!!! I can hear him snoring...when he’s not building whatever it is it sounds like he’s building.

I’m pretty sure I’ll be apartment hunting again when the semester is over. I want to stay back the lake though. Hell if I can find another apartment on the same damn street that would be great!!

Love/Sex Life
Sex? Uh…what’s that? You think I was trying to get permission to perform brain surgery. I’m just trying to get laid with no luck. Whoever said it was easier for women to get laid than men must have been talking about straight women. I’m convinced that there are no normal, sexually secure, sane, regular women of color left in the Bay Area.

::SIGH::

-Strange ((^_~))

Survey- 40 questions

I found this on myspace. I love these things. I don't know what happened to questions 4, 27 & 35

1. Who was the last person to call you baby & meant it? Don’t remember .
2. What color are your eyes? Brown.
3. How tall are you? 5'4”
5. Do you like your parents? Yes
6. Do you secretly like someone? No...haven’t crushed on anyone in a long time
7. Why did your last relationship end? Ask her
8.Whats your favorite book? Too many to name just one
9. Favorite ex? Ms. Smith
10. Do you prefer to sleep or eat? Sleep.
11. Do you look like your mom or dad? Depends on what the person looking at me thinks.
12. Can you do a split? No
13. What movie do you want to see right now? Saw IV...right after I see the Saw II and Saw III
14. What did you do for New Year's Eve? Watched my then wife sleep. I'd been promised sex.
15. Do you think The Grudge was crappy? It was alright
16. Was your mom a cheerleader? No.
17. What's the last letter of your middle name? I have two middle names and until this very moment didn’t realize the both ended in ‘A’
18. How many hours of sleep do you get a night? 6-7
19. Do you like care bears? I don’t hate them
20. Do you know how to play poker? Hee hee... you said poke her
21. Do you wear your seat belt? Yes.
22. What do you wear to sleep? Bottoms and top unless it’s too hot then it’s just the bottoms baby!!!
23. Anything big ever happen in your town? We’re fond of murder. :(
24. is your hair straight or curly? Uh...i don’t know. I guess very tightly curled. Is that what we’re calling the hair of black folks these days?
25. Is your tongue pierced? NO.
26. Do you like Liver and Onions? No. I still have dreams of getting laid again.
28. Do you like funny or serious people better? Funny
29. ever been to LA.? Yes.
30. Who is on your mind right now? No one
31. Any plans for tonight? Going to class to get my edumacation. Imma be smart!!!
32. What's your favorite song at the moment? "Gimme More" by Britney Spears. What?! She’s gonna make a comeback! You watch!!!
33. Do you hate chocolate? No.
34. What do you and your parents fight about the most? Nothing
36. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy? No.
37. What do people usually mistake you for? Extra serious.
38. Are you easy to get along with? Yes...as long as you agree with me.
39. What is your favorite time of day? Late late night or early early morning.
40. Are you a generally happy person? I try to be, but I’m really moody.

Strange ((^_~))

Recap

School
So, since my last posting, I’ve started school at Holy Names University. Yeah for me!!! Stupid Cal State Eastbay couldn’t get their act together in 5 months. HNU accepted me 1 month after receiving my application. I’m a junior in the Religious Studies program. Funny thing is, for a Catholic school, they don’t seem to offer many religious studies class each semester.

BTW, I managed to pass that Biology class I took over the summer with a 'C.'

Job
I was offered a position in a new department a week before my old job was to end. There are times when I wish I would have taken my little pitiful retention bonus and just left the damn company. No one knows anything and no one seems interested in trying to figure out how to do what it is their supposed to know.

Personal Life
GirlMeat and I have officially separated and are almost fully divorced. I’ve moved out into my own apartment. It’s ok, except I have a ghetto neighbor who likes to yell out her child almost every night. Why is she so angry?

GirlMeat and I are getting along better now than the we were the entire time we lived together. Most days I’m ok with the state of our relationship as it currently stands. Other times I wonder if remaining friends is really such a good idea? Sometimes I think I should just cut all ties and move on. I’m used to never seeing or having any communication with a person again once we’ve broken up. GirlMeat and I spend most of the workday emailing each other back and forth.

Sex Life
It’s now been 310 days since I last had sex…with someone who wasn’t me. Why is it so hard to find normal, fairly sane people to get a little horizontal loving from?

So...so...so very horny.

Strange ((^_~))

WTF!!!!

I just took my first biology test in damn near 14 years. WHAT THE F*CK!!!!!!!

The instructor might as well gave the test in Mandarin for all the good it would have done me. I didn't understand a damn thing and guessed on most of the answers.

I don't understand the point of useless classes required in school. When will I ever be asked to explain mitochondria to anyone? When?

And yes...I did study. Thank you very much!!!!

- Strange ((^_~))

Gnats buzzing in my year

Wallowing in self pity and self doubt.

How can you really expect anyone else to look at you as a sensual, sexually enticing woman when the one who spent so long telling you how beautiful you are tells you “I just don’t find you sexual anymore?” How do you get over the insecurity, the unease of putting yourself out there back on the market? For so long you’ve been told almost every day how beautiful you are. How cute and adorable you are. Then one day it stops and you find out your love no longer looks at you that way and you’re left wondering why? What happened?

On a scale of 1-10, it’s been a -1 on the self esteem meter. I want to meet new people, but that damn gnat buzzing around my ear keeps saying “You’re not good enough. You’re never gonna be good enough for anyone...not anyone you really want.” That gnat has been in my ear for years and I’ve got the trail of bodies behind me to prove it. A trail that consists of so many women I settled for because that’s all I thought I deserved and could never achieve better.

- Strange

I's smart bitches!!!

I checked my grades for the Spring 2007 semester. I got me an 'A' in my speech class!!!

Whoo hoo!!!

Imma git my edumacation!!!

-Strange ((^_~))

Transitioning

Do you ever get the feeling that everybody already knows everybody else and you are the constant new kid? It never seems to fail. Whenever I start a new class, it seems like by the end of the class everybody has paired off with their new BFF. I’ve always been amazed (maybe even a little envious) how even the nerdiest of the geeky nerds can immediately connect with another human being.

I’m sure part of it has to do with me and my own perceptions. I have a bad habit of immediately judging someone base on nothing more than a 5 second glance. In that 5 second window frame, I’ve summed up their politics, sexual orientation and social status. A gold tooth and a multi-colored weave can say a lot about a person. Most times my initial assessment turns out to be right, but I do wonder how many wonderful people I’ve never gotten the chance to know better.

I've always been awkward around new people and have never been known to have a gaggle of friends on speed dial. It would be nice to though to be able to connect with people more easily.

I think I'm having one of those insecured days. So much of my life has changed in the last three years. I've lost one job and now losing another at the end of July. I've fallen in love, gave up living rent free to buy a house with my love, gotten married and am now getting a divorce. I've lost 2 friendships. Thankfully, one of them has been resurrected and it's almost as if no time was lost. I'm still not sure what happened to the other or what makes a person just decide to not return your phone call or emails. I try not to be sad. If people want me they know how to get in contact with me.

I guess transition is just a part of life and sometimes you have to just let go and let it take you where you need to go.

-Strange ((^_~))

Death and Resurrection

Biology- the study of life.

So, today I was on lunch period during my biology class. I was sitting at a free desk surfing and chatting with my best friend and future spinster wife, the Cranky Librarian, when i noticed what looked like either a giant fly or a bee buzzing around the window. Normally, I would have just swatted it away, but then I noticed that this FlyBee thingie was on it's last breath. I watched for 2 minutes as it struggled to fly and then fall back down to the window sill. At point it even landed on it's back and I was sure it was dead, but somehow it managed to get up again. It flew up and hung out on the window for a bit, it wings just flapping and there was that sick buzzing sound.

Eventually, the FlyBee couldn't hang anymore and it fell to the window sill and was still. I don't know why I was so fascinated by this creature on its last leg of life. It was actually kind of sad. I can honestly say, I don't think I have ever seen anything or anyone die before. I continued to chat with Cranky, thoroughly disgusting her with my tales of witnessing death.

Just as I was finishing up my lunch, which was no less than 5 minutes later, the FlyBee got up and flew to the top of window. This thing was DEAD, 5 minutes before. Dead as a 100 year old corpse. Dead as my barely a year old marriage. It was dead

There's no real point to this story, just thought I'd share. I'm sure there is some kinda philosophical, overly intellectual meaning to this. I just don't know what it is.

-Strange ((^_~))

Should I or shouldn't I?

So, I'm taking the day off from work today...because I can. I've been really contemplating all week if I should post on Craigslist for some afternoon booty. I really want to because I'm horny as all hell. Ironically, today it has been 6 months today since I got any horizontal lovin'. But, even though my marriage is over and I have yet to be given termination papers, I am still married and don't know if that would be consider cheating.

I'm leaning towards just letting it go and spend my day masturbating and watching porn. Craigslist is looking real boring this past week. Not a sexy broad amongst them.

Who knows? I might end up just going back to sleep.

-Strange ((^_~))

Done!!!

I did it!!! I completed my speech class, all of it! I got an 'A' on my last speech. I think it's safe to say I got a 'B' in the class, which is better than what I was originally aiming for, a 'C.'

Whoo hoo, bitches!!! I'm done!!!

-Strange ((^_~))

Just Drive

One day, I'm just gonna get in my car and drive. I'm gonna drive until my tank runs dry. Where I stop is where I'll stay for a while.

- Strange ((^_~))

You know it's been a long time when...

not only do you not remember buying the sex toy, you don't even remember what kind of batteries it takes.

Off to the drugstore to buy some batteries!

-Strange ((^_~))

But at the same time (ponderings part deux)

There is a part of me that is...excited. I guess that would be the word. Not that I'm jumping for joy over the idea of throwing myself to the hyenas of the dating world, but just the idea that I can do whatever I want...or rather whoever I want from now...it's kind of exciting. Why do I feel like I'm about to regress back to the summer of my 26th year when I could sleep with you on Tuesday night and pretend not to know you come Wednesday night and boink a different person Thursday, Friday, Saturday night and not give a care in the world?

Sunday and Monday were for resting ((^_~))

Ponderings

Why don't people ever stay where they're supposed to? Is it really that much easier to walk away than stay and find a solution? Or maybe...I should have walked away a long time ago?

If I didn't think it was all a scam...

I might actually try seeing a therapist. But since they like to tell you what you already know, I'll save my $100 an hour.